The Autistic 10-Step Plan for Making Friends
Despite many of us desiring friendship, it can be hard for us on the autism spectrum to actually make them. Here’s my 10-step plan for making friends when you’re Autistic.
Free resources on
Belonging and Finding Home
for Autistics
- Have you ever felt more clearly seen and understood in a single conversation with another neurodivergent person, than in decades of trying to fit in everywhere else? Where you didn’t have to explain yourself, didn’t have to perform, and felt for the first time like you might actually be home?
- Have you struggled to feel comfortable and belong in spaces that don’t seem interested in letting you all the way in?
- Do you feel the weight of being unseen for so long that you’re overwhelmed with grief, rage, and no clue what to do with these feelings?
If you recognized yourself in any of these, you don’t have to keep figuring it out alone.
I’ve walked this road myself, and that’s why I’ve put together resources, tools, and answers to support you in making it better.
Free downloads
Here are most popular free downloads
to help with those questions:
Free workshop on unmasking safely
Most recent articles for Autistics on finding belonging, community, and a sense of home
Why Autistics Are Lonely
So many autistics struggle with loneliness, even while they ache for connection. It’s easy to think it’s because we’re just too different, but what if that’s not the case?
Why Finding Your Autistic Community Didn’t Fix Your Loneliness (The Truth No One Talks About)
When we finally figure out that we’re Autistic, we think finding community in other Autistics will be what allows us to finally find good relationships. But sometimes, it just results in us feeling more isolated than ever.
Healing Communication Wounds Takes Time
Healing communication wounds with new experiences is a gradual process.
Letting Go of the Shame of Avoiding People
For autistics, it makes sense why we tend to avoid social situations; the majority of our interactions can be uncomfortable. But we can’t lean into the discomfort until we stop shaming ourselves.
This Isn’t The End Of The Story, Just The Middle
When going through a tough time, it’s easy to feel like it’s the end of everything, but this isn’t the end of your story.
Why You Can’t Get Your Needs Met By Setting Boundaries
Most people don’t understand this one thing when they try to set boundaries. But getting good at this can improve both how you get your needs met, and your relationships.
Disclosing Autism: Understanding People’s Reactions to Disclosing you’re Autistic
People can often have upsetting reactions when you tell them you’re Autistic. Here’s why I think those reactions happen, and why it doesn’t have to be the end.
Autistics Have it Harder
Here are several ways Autistics have it harder than others, and a tip for getting the life you want anyway.
When You Hate Being Perceived
Here’s what might be going on if you hate being perceived, if it feels bad or awful, especially if you’re Autistic or otherwise different from the majority around you.
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Free videos on autistic friendships
Heather’s YouTube playlist on friendship:
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Why Autistics Both Need and Avoid Relationships #actuallyautistic #autisticcommunity
Why Finding Your Autistic Community Didn't Fix Your Loneliness (The Truth No One Talks About)
Are healthy relationships scary? #healthyrelationships #relationshipgoals #relationshipadvice
Don't Look For New Friends Until You Do This
Friendships that don’t last #actuallyautistic #friendship #shorts 
How People Pleasing Prevents Positive Relationships
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Ready to go deeper?
If you’d like more in-depth, structured, or personalized help with with finding belonging, community, a sense of home, or processing the rage and grief of their absence—and are open to paid resources—here are my top three options:
More free resources by topic
Here are more common topics of interest in the later identified Autistic Journey: