Have you recently figured out, or are finally grappling with, what it means to be autistic? Or highly sensitive, sensory diverse, neurodiverse, etc.?
(Formal dx, self-diagnosis, and questioning are all valid.)
Do you want to find new ways to live and work
that don’t compromise who you are?
Of course not.
You’re not asking for the Moon. You simply want get things done and have nice friends and feel good about yourself.
That is the minimum basic that is due every person on this earth, and that has been denied to you because our society treats everyone as if they should want the same things, get them in the same way, and feel the same about it all.
They think that if you don’t, there’s something wrong with you.
I think you have something amazing inside precisely because you operate differently, experience things differently, and yes, because you’ve been through a lot of crap.
I think you can have access to your amazing gifts, insight, and powers only when you let go of the B.S. that has been foisted on you by society your whole life, and let your thoughts, creativity, and imagination free.
I think this isn’t a pipe dream. I know this is real.
I’m living it.
Let me guess, you’ve tried anxiety management techniques, medication, therapy, self-help books, and you’ve done a lot of personal growth work, and bits and pieces of that have been positive, but you still feel uncomfortable. Like you don’t belong. Like an outsider looking in.
And no one gets that except other autistics/HSPs/introverts/etc online, but their rants (and yours) aren’t actually making anything better.
Those things, by the way, often don’t work because they are steeped in the same cultural assumptions about what is “right” or “normal” that got you to the point where you needed their help.
Society hasn’t been teaching you how to make the best possible life for yourself.
In fact, I’ll bet the people around you spent a lot of time and effort trying to teach you to just fit in.
“Don’t rock the boat,” they said. “Get with the program.” “Go with the flow.” “The nail that sticks out gets hammered.” And other gems designed to teach you to conform so that you weren’t a “problem.”
When you did a school assignment in a different way than the teacher expected, did you get in trouble for it, even though you got the right answers?
When you had a hard time leaving the house and your adults hurried you out the door anyway, did you learn not to bother complaining, arguing, or speaking up for yourself?
When you were overly stressed and it came out as anger or a meltdown, were you were treated as the problem, the fragile one, or the one everyone walked on eggshells around?
Were you so scared of upsetting anyone around you that you did whatever they said, no matter the personal cost?
And when you did something the way they expected, did they say “good job,” or “well done,” or “I’m so proud of you”?
Or did they ignore it, but at least they left you alone?
Did you work hard for their approval and feel good when you got it? And try even harder to be “good” and do things “right”?
There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s how we’re wired as humans. And that wiring has consequences.
Let me guess. In all these small and big moments, you got the message that what you needed wasn’t relevant, wasn’t appropriate, or was a problem.
That asking wouldn’t do any good anyway.
That what you needed wasn’t worth taking the time or effort to understand, let alone accommodate.
Have others ignored your needs for so long that you’ve stopped noticing them too?
I believe that deep down inside you know what you need and what works for you, but that you have been taught to ignore, disregard, and discredit your instincts as part of fitting into a society that does not fit you well.
In those moments, ‘different’ felt bad. And when you faked it, pretended, put on a mask—acted like other people did—then they didn’t treat you differently, and that felt safe.
Has it gotten to the point that faking now feels even worse than being different?
Do you want to stop faking who you are?
Now here’s the hard question:
Have you been faking it for so long that it’s hard to tell what’s you and what’s the mask?
I’ve been there. It took me a long time to haphazardly figure out how to figure out what I really want and need, like and dislike, how I think best and work best, and how I socialize and play most naturally.
Which started with noticing that I didn’t know enough about these things. I knew some, and I have no doubt you do too. That’s a good place to start.
Here’s some clues that you’re masking, faking, camouflaging, or pretending more than you may realize. Are you:
When you work in ways that match how your brain/body functions best, it takes soooo much less energy, lowers anxiety and stress, so there is less to complain about, and you feel better about yourself, so you’re easier to be around and everything starts working better. It’s a win-win-win-times-a-million.
Is this what you want? It is possible.
It starts with figuring out what’s you and what’s the mask. I can help.
I can help you figure out how to make your life better. That includes:
Along the way, you will make small, incremental changes In your daily life that that let you function better and add up to noticeable and sustainable improvements throughout all areas of your life.
Where do you want to start?
These are great places to start making your life better.
And yet, sometimes it doesn’t feel like there are any better options because you’re so used to the way things are that it’s hard to imagine it being different. And everything everyone suggests seems impossible or unreasonable or doomed to failure.
But what if you had a non-judgmental and creative space to explore why those things don’t work?
With someone who won’t tease you about the things that bother you, or complain about the way you think, or laugh at how you solve problems? What would change then?
Could you come up with new ideas yourself? Could you brainstorm new options better?
I believe that you have the answers deep inside, I help by asking powerful questions.
I know how to figure this out. I’ll guide you along the way, so you don’t have to feel lost and alone in the deep dark woods, confused and struggling to find the right path.
And I’ll help you clear away the doubts, fears, and worries that are holding you back.
So you can blaze your own trail to a better life.
This better life is the product of a lot of small steps that build up over time.
Wherever you are in your own personal journey, is perfect. You don’t need to be further along than you are right now, no matter how old you are or what other people might think. Your journey is yours, not anyone else’s.
Where will you go next?
*I’ve been super picky about what training, courses, and education I subject myself to, since so much is built on models that are part of old systems I want to move away from.
I offer personalized life coaching based on Martha Beck’s Wayfinder model (how to find your best life), informed by my own autistic experiences and what works best for my clients.
I’ll adapt to what you need, want, and find helpful.
I guide, offer, invite, but never demand or “make” you do anything.
We’ll talk together over Zoom, with camera on or off, and sessions usually last an hour.
Most people get the best, most lasting results when we meet regularly: weekly, twice a month, or sometimes monthly. Some people prefer an occasional session here or there. It’s up to you, based on your needs and situation.
It generally works best to bring a particular issue that you’re struggling with. Something you want to be better.
From there I will ask powerful questions to help you find the things that you’ve been taught to believe about yourself, that have been hurting you and holding you back.
We will gently and compassionately question them to find out what parts are true and what parts are social conditioning that you don’t need anymore.
As you unlearn each ableist belief, each bit of conditioning from your family, teachers, society, etc., new options for addressing that specific issue will emerge.
And often there are ripples that will spread throughout your life to help in other areas as well.
This is the process of making your whole life better, one little bit at a time.
All sessions are via Zoom, so we can connect from anywhere in the world.
Save 10% off individual sessions.
We can agree on this together.
*About PWYC: This is an expression of my desire for justice and accessibility. I’ve relied on others being flexible with their pricing when I was un-/underemployed, and am thrilled that I can now pay it forward.
All sessions are via Zoom, so it doesn’t matter where in the world you are.
Schedule here: www.autismchrysalis.com/schedule
We can agree on this together.
**About PWYC: This is an expression of my desire for justice and accessibility. I’ve relied on others being flexible with their pricing when I was un-/underemployed, and am thrilled that I can now pay it forward.
Want to meet first? You can see if you feel comfortable with me
and ask any questions you have about working together.
Schedule your free Clarity Session.
An optional upgrade.
Get even more out of your work with me by regulating your nervous system at a biological level.
The SSP is specialized music that has been proven to:
That’s highly individual, and yet I know it can be helpful to have a rough idea.
If you’re wanting to work through a particular issue, like “how do I get myself to…”, that can often take just 3 to 5 sessions.
If you’re looking for larger scale changes in your life, that will of course take more work.
Therapy or counseling is best suited to working through issues from your past, including traumas and the psychological results of years of autistic gaslighting, etc.
Life coaching, at least the way I do it, takes those into account and treats them with compassion and care, but doesn’t get deep into them. It focuses rather on making a better future for yourself.
If you’re seriously debating doing this, that tells me you are seriously interested, but it still might be scary. Here’s the thing. There are two kinds of scary: panic-scary and exciting-scary.
If you think about doing this and your gut clenches or your chest tightens and your shoulders, jaw, hands, or toes clench up and it gets hard to breathe, that’s panic-scary, and that’s your body telling you that this is not the right choice for you, or not the right time.
But if you think about doing this and your gut gets fluttery and your heart starts racing and you’re starting to think about things that you could do if this were to work, you’re probably experiencing exciting-scary. That’s the kind where taking the leap will probably work out well.
If you have tried everything (else), that tells me that you really, really want your life to be better. It also tells me that those other things didn’t really get to the root of what’s been holding you back, which is the focus of my work.
Trying to work toward goals without removing the barriers that get in their way is like trying to push a car up a hill with the brakes on. It’s so much easier to take off the brakes, turn on the car, and drive up.
Absolutely. Quite a few of my clients identify as:
Email me or schedule your free clarity session and let’s see if we’re a good fit.
You’re not the only one. I offer professional consultations for therapists, counselors, educators, and other professionals who want to get better at creating positive working relationships with their autistic clients.
Click here for more info.
Schedule a free Clarity Session to meet and make sure we’re a great fit.
I get it. It’s OK to take a while getting comfortable with me. Or not. In the meantime, take a look around.
No worries. I’m not a good fit for everyone, and that’s OK.
And if now’s not the right time, that’s OK too.
You’re still welcome to lurk, and to all my freebies.