I’m Never Buying These Again

I keep forcing myself to wear uncomfortable things, but there's no shame in, and nothing wrong with, stopping.
I'm Never Buying These Again

Are you forcing yourself to be uncomfortable?

I put on this shirt today, because I wanted to wear it at least once before I put it away for the winter with the other cold weather clothes. And I realized that I do this thing a lot. I hate the shirt, by the way, because it has this collar that comes up, and I’m folding it down so that it’s not touching my neck as much. But I’ve had it hanging in my closet all winter, and steadfastly ignoring it.

Occasionally, I’ll wear a couple of my other shirts that have collars, but I’m constantly tugging at them all day long. And I hate anything touching my neck, but I still keep buying shirts with collars, with necks that are high, that are fuzzy, or whatever. Not that I actually buy clothes much, I go through clothes very, very slowly, I might buy one or two things every year anyway. But I still keep trying to get myself to wear these shirts. I don’t know why I picked up this idea that I should, but I keep thinking that this time it will be different. 

And you know what? I’m just never going to buy another shirt with a high collar again. And there is nothing wrong with that, there is no shame in it. It’s not like I’m missing out on something great and glorious, and the human experience of high collared shirts. There’s no reason why I need to wear those kinds of shirts, or why I should keep trying to get myself to buy these kinds of shirts. 

I was thinking this is a really, really low stakes thing, but I still keep forcing myself into it.

I was thinking this is a really, really low stakes thing, but I still keep forcing myself into it. And because I also don’t throw out clothes, I will feel guilty for years about the money that I spent on it, and I’m wasting a valuable resource, and all of this… like, “Why did I think that I would wear that?” And I get on my case about it. And we do this to ourselves… At least I do, and I hear it from plenty of my clients.

So I’m wondering, what is something in your life that maybe is pretty low stakes? Maybe it’s pretty high stakes, I don’t know, but something that you’re just ready to give up trying to force yourself into conforming to some standard that you’re just not going to do, and that there’s no reason why you need to do. 

Maybe you can add yours in the comments below. Maybe you want to just talk about it with someone you feel comfortable with. Maybe you can reflect on it on your own. For me, I’m giving up collared shirts for good.

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Heather Cook

Heather Cook

Hi, I’m Heather. I’m an Autistic writer, advocate, and life coach, and I'm building a life I love. I help other Autistics to build their own autism-positive life. I love reading, jigsaw puzzles, just about every -ology, and Star Trek!

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