Aiming for A “Good Day” Is Too Much Pressure

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If one thing goes wrong in your day, does it feel like the whole day is ruined? When it clicked for me that I didn't have to categories the entire day that way, a lot of things felt better.
Aiming for A "Good Day" Is Too Much Pressure

A good day

Something that clicked for me at one point, and helped me out of my most recent depression several years ago, is when I broke away from trying to have a good day. 

That may sound counterintuitive, so I’ll explain what I mean.

I realized that it wasn’t about having a good day. It felt like too much pressure to say the whole day was good, because so many different things happen in a day. There’s bad things and good things and a lot of things are just neutral. 

But if the criteria for having a good day means that everything has to go well. That’s really a lot of pressure to have on the day. 

And if that’s the baseline marker for a good day, of course you’re almost never going to have a good day. Instead, I started thinking more in terms of “this thing that happened was good.” 

That moment was good. That experience was good. This one was bad. The next one is good. The next one was bad. Taking each experience for what it is.

And not just for days. I can say I liked this thing about an event and I didn’t like that part of the event. Most of the friendship went well, and there were these things that I didn’t like.

But needing everything about something to be good in order for the whole thing to be classified as good enough, is a really a high bar to meet.

Taking the pressure off of needing to everything about something to be good in order to be reasonably satisfied, meant that I was a lot more satisfied with a lot more things. 

It didn’t mean I don’t have standards, or that I don’t care anymore. But I was able to enjoy the parts that did go well and not let one aspect taint everything.

I’m wondering how this is landing for you? I’d love to get your take on it in the comments below.

Have a neurowonderful day. Or at least, aspects of it are wonderful. Take care.

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Heather Cook

Hi, I’m Heather. I’m an Autistic writer, advocate, and life coach, and I'm building a life I love. I help other Autistics to build their own autism-positive life. I love reading, jigsaw puzzles, just about every -ology, and Star Trek!

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