Does someone entering your space bother you?
I’m wondering if you experienced this thing that I do, where, when you’re hanging out alone, spending some time more or less by yourself, and then someone walks into the room, or the doorbell rings, or someone joins, and all of a sudden you feel like your peace has gone. There might be an actual startle, say from the doorbell. But it might not be startled, it might just be, “Well, there goes that.” And you’re feeling like your nervous system is on edge, like you have to perform, or you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or it might be a very vague feeling, not even sure why but you’re just tense.
So, if this is resonating for you, what I’m wondering is: when you were young, did you spend a lot of time on your own, maybe you hung out in your room, or you found somewhere outdoors, or you had a special little spot where you could be away, and you could be alone? And when you come out of that spot, because we all have to at some point, did you get criticized for being alone?
That feeling of “If I am perceived, if other people are around, I’m going to be on the hook for something”.
Get comments or questions of, “So where have you been?” Maybe they made comments like ‘you’re being so selfish’, or ‘you’re being a recluse’, or maybe you got on the hook for doing chores, or they made you do things that you didn’t want to do because, all of a sudden, they saw you and so they found some “constructive use for your time”. I’m wondering if that is still with you. Maybe the circumstances are wildly different, maybe those people aren’t even in your life anymore, but still that feeling of “If I am perceived, if other people are around, I’m going to be on the hook for something”, or “I’m going to be judged”, or “I’m going to be criticized.” Like it’s not safe.
And I’m wondering if that’s still true in your life? As in, is it still true that it’s not safe to be seen with the people who you spend time with? The people you live with? Maybe it is true, maybe it’s not, but it can still feel like it if it’s not actually true. If it’s not absolutely certain, what would you like to do with that?
Just some thoughts for reflection here. You don’t have to do anything with it if you don’t want to. And if you’d like some personalized help, I do offer one on one coaching and we can work through some of this for your particular situation. Have a wonderful day.
