Examples of autistic internalized ableism: “There’s something fundamentally wrong with me.” “I have to push myself.” “I make problems for others. I’m difficult to be around. I’m a burden.” “I need to mask, or hide who I am, or not honestly tell people when I have a problem, to be acceptable and keep people around.” “Other people manage, and they’ve got a lot more to deal with, so I must be weak, fragile, lazy, or not trying hard enough.” “It’s just me that has a problem with this. So I have to either suppress my needs or be a bother to others.” “I have to make myself small so I won’t drive people away.” “I have to hide what I know to not annoy people.”
I hear these sentiments a lot from Autistics, and they can feel really true, and they might have some truth to them, or be close to the truth, but they’re not entirely true. And I used to believe every one of them. But not anymore. Because I’ve deconstructed the lies, and have actually experienced what it’s like to live without these getting in the way.
These lies, and others like them, are called internalized ableism. And they are how people in power, people who have it easy because the world is designed for them, keep us blaming ourselves instead of seeing how the system is flawed, because if enough of us did, we would demand changes.
What could be possible for you if ableism didn’t get in the way?
Like, better working conditions, and education, public spaces, and health care and mental care that responds to our needs. Or little things, like more understanding for direct communication styles. What could be possible for you if ableism didn’t get in the way?
Bringing this a little closer to home, what could you do if internalized ableism didn’t get in your way?
I mean, what if you stopped blaming yourself for things that aren’t actually your fault? What if you stopped pushing yourself so hard, getting on your own case, denying yourself accommodations, discriminating against yourself in ways that have been so normalized you don’t even notice you’re doing it?
What if you could see all the ways you’ve been trained not to notice the ableism embedded in our systems—and in your own thoughts about yourself?
The problem
Here’s the thing. Internalized ableism is a huge factor in negative self-talk and autistic burnout. But it’s so normalized in our culture that of course you should take the blame, and push yourself, and get on your own case for things that you don’t actually need to.
Maybe you tell yourself you should be able to do more. Maybe you push through sensory overload because “everyone else deals with it.” Maybe you feel like your needs are too much, or that asking for accommodations is making excuses. Maybe you’re harder on yourself than you’d ever be on anyone else.
And the thing is, you’ve been trained to do that. The ableism isn’t your fault—but it is affecting you in ways you might not even realize.
The workshop
That’s why I created the Internalized Ableism Workshop and Self-Assessment. This is a two-and-a-half hour recorded workshop, available to you right now, on demand.
The workshop is designed to help you spot internalized ableism in the context of an adult Autistic or AuDHD life. How it’s so pervasive in our society that it’s affecting you in ways you’ve been trained not to notice. Ways that you may be discriminating against yourself, and giving yourself a harder time than you really need to. And understand where this is coming from so you don’t just give yourself the blame, when it doesn’t belong to you.
Plus, I’ve created an in-depth 120-question self-assessment with real examples from real life, so you can see how much this is affecting your daily life and choices, in 14 different areas of life, from your autistic identity, to work, communication, productivity, self-worth, your relationship to autistic stereotypes, and more. I spent over a year working on this, incorporating feedback, refining and fine-tuning it, so you can get a better picture of how you’re doing, how much this is really affecting your life.
Fair warning: it will probably bring up some areas that you hadn’t realized were neuro-ableism, and that might be uncomfortable. But once you notice what’s really going on, you can make intentional choices about if you want to do something about it, and then what.
What you’ll learn
Okay, so what is actually covered in this workshop?
One: Clear definitions of ableism and internalized ableism, with real-life examples from an Autistic and AuDHD perspective—not just abstract concepts.
Two: How ableism is baked into our society and systems in ways we’ve been trained not to see. You can see the normalized expectations, the cultural assumptions, the “that’s just how things are” that actually aren’t neutral at all.
Three: How to spot neuro-ableism in your own life. The patterns of behavior, the self-talk, the normalized expectations that you’ve been carrying around without questioning them.
Four: A 4-step process for how to dismantle your own neuro-ableism. Not shame-based, not more demands on yourself, but a framework for how to start undoing this.
Five: A comprehensive 120-question self-assessment with various real-life scenarios and generalized patterns of behavior. The kind of thing that might make you think, “Oh yeah, I guess I do do that,” or “Oh, I didn’t realize I did that,” or “Ooh, that’s ableism? Huh.”
And six: A foundation for awareness—which is the first step towards making progress. Once you start noticing it, you can choose if you want to take action, and how.
Honest expectation
Now, I want to be honest with you.
Will this workshop completely eliminate your internalized ableism? No. And I wouldn’t trust any short workshop that makes that promise.
Your ableism probably developed gradually over a long period of several decades. A few explanations and strategies aren’t going to change all of that. That’s not realistic.
But it can make a difference. And add on to what you’ve already been doing.
What I’m offering is a way to think about ableism that doesn’t put the blame or shame on you. That shows how you’ve been trained not to see the ableism embedded in our systems. And offers a framework for how to move towards undoing this.
The details
Here’s the details:
This is the recorded version of a live workshop I gave in November of 2025, so you get the video recording, an audio-only version, a complete transcript with slides included, the 120-question self-assessment, and all workshop materials and bonuses.
Because it’s recorded, you have the freedom to follow along at your own pace. Rewind and rewatch as much as needed. Engage on your own schedule, as your energy allows. With no pressure to show up on someone else’s schedule or participate in a live meeting. And you can come back months or years later for a refresher, or to retake the self-assessment and see how you’ve progressed.
You’ll have access for at least a full year, guaranteed, and probably several years. I don’t want to promise “lifetime access”—whose lifetime, yours or mine?—but I intend to keep this available for the foreseeable future.
This is an inclusive, trauma-sensitive, and BS-free zone. All are welcome, including LGBTQIA+ humans and all gender identities.
And while this is designed from and for an Autistic and AuDHD perspective, if you don’t identify as Autistic, but my approach resonates with you—maybe you’re a highly sensitive person, neurodivergent in other ways, or you’re still questioning whether you’re Autistic—you’re welcome here too.
Invitation
So, here’s my invitation.
If you’re tired of being so hard on yourself. If you want to understand how much internalized ableism is affecting your life and start doing something about it, this workshop might be a fit for you.
For more info, or to sign up, go to AutismChrysalis.com/ia.
Because life is so much easier when you’re not discriminating against yourself in addition to all the external discrimination. Because it is okay to have needs, and because it is possible to start undoing the ableism you’ve internalized over the years.
If this sounds like what you’re looking for, I’d love to support you along this journey.
Wishing you a neurowonderful day.