Comments for Autism Chrysalis

Comment on How to Build a Burnout-Resistant Business as a self-employed Autistic/AuDHD by Heather Cook

Heather Cook — Wed, 01 Apr 2026 17:13:41 +0000

In reply to Keith.

Yes, absolutely! Capacity has to come first. If you don’t have the capacity, it doesn’t matter how good your intentions or how good of a plan it is or how well it’s worked for other people, you’re not gonna be able to do it.

Comment on How to Build a Burnout-Resistant Business as a self-employed Autistic/AuDHD by Keith

Keith — Wed, 01 Apr 2026 17:11:04 +0000

The shame cycle from applying neurotypical frameworks is the thing nobody talks about. You don’t fail because you’re lazy — you fail because the system assumed a brain you don’t have. I’ve been building around this same premise: what if the tool asked how you were doing before it told you what to do? Capacity first, everything else second.

Comment on Letting Go Of The Blame And Shame Of Avoiding People by Heather

Heather — Tue, 27 Jan 2026 18:16:06 +0000

Great essay! Everything I read on your site reflects my lived experience. Thanks for your insights…

Comment on What I Know About Rest by Heather Cook

Heather Cook — Tue, 16 Dec 2025 17:14:14 +0000

In reply to Kimberly.

This completely makes sense. And you’re not the only one who has these worries. They are strong, but they are all based in lies that are close enough to something true that they can feel very true, but they’re not. Maybe I’ll make it response video addressing some of these directly.

Comment on What I Know About Rest by Kimberly

Kimberly — Tue, 16 Dec 2025 12:51:05 +0000

I think the putting down all guilt and worry can be really hard, partly because I’ve encountered messaging from sources I morally support, such as anti-racist work, about how marginalized populations never get to take a break from their marginalized status, so it’s not okay for people with privilege to decide to take a break. I have a story (not supported by any formal diagnosis) that I’m AuDHD and that my autism has decided my ADHD can’t be trusted to pick things back up again after putting them down, so the solution is to not fully put anything down ever. Sort of that if I don’t keep at least part of my attention on the reality of suffering and danger, I’ll become completely insensitive to others or get myself hurt because I won’t react to environmental cues quickly enough to remember those realities. So if I do go deeply into something enough to lose track of safety and responsibility, I feel like I’m doing something wrong or dangerous and feel guilty afterwards. I don’t know if this makes any sense.

Comment on When You Hate Being Perceived by James

James — Sun, 19 Oct 2025 02:15:09 +0000

I also would like to disagree with the commenters saying “scrutinised” is the right word.

It is not.

It is being perceived in any way shape or form that causes me distress. I am currently in my room because my desk in my share house is located opposite a lounge. My housemate was sitting on the lounge in clear view. I’m sure they weren’t even looking at me, but even just the potential that they were perceiving me at all (by seeing, hearing, etc.) made me completely freeze up. So here I am back on the floor of my room, dysregulated and alone.

Comment on Guilt-Free Progress Tracker for AuDHDers by Paul Taylor

Paul Taylor — Tue, 14 Oct 2025 14:27:44 +0000

Hello Heather… thank you so much for providing both a text version and a video of this article. I was nearly put off when I saw the video at the top, until I realised the text is a full transcript. I really struggle to watch videos of this type. I think my ADHD loses focus long before the videos get to their point. But the text meant I could quickly determine that there was content I am interested in and where in the video it was.
Love the hexagon tip itself. I will definitely try this.

Comment on The Problem With To-Do Lists by Carl

Carl — Sun, 03 Aug 2025 17:00:01 +0000

One idea might be to extend the columns on the list to include a points system or similar to reflect the challenge. Then set some rewards for total points earned?

Comment on When You Hate Being Perceived by Eliza

Eliza — Sat, 02 Aug 2025 20:22:30 +0000

I have dealt with this experience my whole life. It’s not about being scrutinized. The mere fact that another person is present, and may perceive my presence, regardless of whether or not they do, and whether or not they scrutinize me, can be completely exhausting. It might have a connection to having been scrutinized in the distant past, but in the present there is no scrutiny involved, just the presence -or potential presence – of another human.

It usually happens for me now when I haven’t had enough down time or am emotionally dysregulated. Being alone and having completely safe and private time to re-regulate my emotions is the antidote. It was a game changer when I identified this.

Maybe if you haven’t experienced it, it sounds like “scrutiny” or maybe just doesn’t make sense. Thanks for the post!

Comment on How to Recover from Autistic Burnout by Heather Cook

Heather Cook — Tue, 27 May 2025 16:49:23 +0000

In reply to Lynn.

Frustration is essentially a conflict between expectations and reality–when they don’t match up but you are holding on to the idea that they should. The key is to learn how to accept what is, and maybe work towards what you really want it to become but accepting that it’s not that at the moment. Does this make sense?

Byron Katie is good at this. Also recommend ACT tools by Steven Hayes. I teach how to do this in an ND-friendly way in both my anxiety reduction course and my burnout course, some overlap, but also different aspects in both courses. And I make sure to cover how to avoid some of the common pitfalls and mistakes people make, that end up as accidental gaslighting.

Comment on How to Recover from Autistic Burnout by Lynn

Lynn — Sat, 24 May 2025 21:43:51 +0000

Regarding having to rest; guilt is something I do deal with, and shame, but the biggest thing for me right now that I’m having a hard time dealing with is frustration with not having the physical and/or mental energy to do the things I want to do. How do you deal with frustration?

Comment on When You Hate Being Perceived by Thomas

Thomas — Wed, 23 Apr 2025 21:28:02 +0000

I’m 64 and only realized I was neurodivergent when I was 58. It explained a lot. Unfortunately, I have been involved with groups that require specialize skills and “clicks” e.g. Marines (barely got out with an honorable discharge), science and wildland firefighting. I try to “mask” but eventually I’m branded as a weirdo. There’s no fix to this and it’s a sad, lonely life because women instinctively want to “mother” me instead of having an adult relationship. I just started a federal job and already I can tell by the look on people’s faces they think I am different. And at my age they probably think I have early signs of dementia. It never ends.